In today’s fast-paced world, there is a growing obsession with positivity. We are constantly bombarded with messages telling us to “stay positive” and “focus only on the good.” With books like The Secret, and so many abundance and manifestation coaches this problem is multiplying manifold today. But according to feminine empowerment coach Aarya Sufiana, this perpetual obsession with positivity can actually be harmful.
“Positivity is important, but it’s not the whole picture,” says Aarya. “Life is about yin and yang, and we certainly need both light and dark experiences to grow.” She gives us the metaphor of the Japanese art, Kintsugi, where a broken pot is joined back together and the cracks are painted with golden light, making the pot even more beautiful.
Aarya explains that just like a battery requires both positive and negative ions to light a torch, our lives require both positive and negative experiences to create not just balance but also to bring out the best in us, like the torch. Moreover, she says, “When we live in a world that shames our dark qualities or emotions, we create a sub personality – our shadow side, where we hide our dark emotions with the fear of being judged, and as a result, our REAL SELF gets lost behind the FAKE MASKS leading to multitudes of physical and mental illnesses. Medical Science has proved this time and again with many patients who were diagnosed with life threatening diseases.”
Furthermore, Aarya argues that by constantly striving for this kind of PERFECTION, we are also participating in what is termed in modern psychology as ‘Spiritual bypassing’, which is the tendency to use spiritual concepts to cover up the real psychological issues. This is not REAL spirituality, where everything is always expected to be shanti, shanti and so peaceful.
Instead, Aarya encourages her clients to embrace all of their emotions and experiences, dark and light. “If you wish to heal, you must be willing to FEEL”, says Aarya with a playful smile.
Infact, this is the very reason why one of the most important lessons her Leadership students go through, is SHADOW WORK (a journey to re-integrate their rejected parts), which is the process that helps people have the biggest breakthroughs in every aspect of their lives, be it personal healing, attracting love, abundance, having a successful career etc.
The most important fact that she points out in spiritual bypassing is that our feminine side is also bypassed/suppressed which is- our intuition, gut instinct, our faith in the universal wisdom- “For instance”, says Aarya, “what if universe had granted me my positive desires of being in perfect health, having my first love, family etc. etc., I would not have come on the path of spirituality, if I had not been DISEMPOWERED, I wouldn’t have been so passionate about empowering other women. Just as there is Yin within Yang and yang within yin in the Chinese symbol, so also, there is a profound gift in our dark experiences, if they’re met with love and wisdom.”
It is for this very reason, one of the biggest teachings in shadow work sessions, is to hold the light of empathy and compassion for one’s own dark side rather than judgement; as the famous saying goes- “Whatever we resist, persists.” If Spirituality is the journey of TRANSFORMATION, Aarya reminds us that we cannot transform something unless we first fully ACCEPT it.
Focusing on being happy ALL the time and thinking positive ALL the time is the biggest cause of anxiety and other health problems as it puts people in fear/guilt and shame mode.
Aarya’s approach to embracing both the light and dark side, is a refreshing reminder that life is not always sunshine and rainbows. It’s okay to experience challenging emotions, and it’s important to allow ourselves to feel them, talk about them, and normalize them. By doing so, we can create a more balanced and fulfilling life.
So the next time you find yourself obsessing over positivity, remember Aarya’s words: “We can only create a POSITIVE life, by lovingly listening to the hidden messages in the negative side as well. Embrace all of your emotions and experiences, like accepting every wave in the ocean, and trust that when you meet every wave with the wisdom of your soul, your life will become THE GREATEST WORK OF ART, beyond your imagination.”
